Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so let's talk penis.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
