he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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