ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
