were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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