Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Never underestimate the power of titties
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
