I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize