Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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