what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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