just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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