I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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