I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
