I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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