it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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