First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
