she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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