I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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