The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she told me i tasted like america
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
