Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
