I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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