you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's great music for shaving your balls
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
