So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
