Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
