I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
