I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
be right there i have to get my cape
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
