I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
