My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
