bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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