you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize