Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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