It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
