don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize