I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
