We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
