Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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