well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
