And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize