I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
