I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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