Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
