I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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