i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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