Welp...herpes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
