her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
