If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Terrible idea I love it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
