Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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