my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
