One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
