Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
