i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
