I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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