I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
