I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
