I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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