WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drake has all the answers
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