speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
