I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
