Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
