you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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