I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
