I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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