I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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