I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
