she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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