she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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