I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
