my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
