dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
