census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
