i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
