He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
