hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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