Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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