insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
